Editor's Note: Ave Maria! This classical music enthusiast seems to have taken the name of Schubert in vain, in this ravishing recipe for the most rapacious rodent reveller.

How to Prepare a Hamster

Hamsters are delightful little creatures, especially with some sage and parsley. There are some difficulties to their preparation however. This article will tell you a common way of preparing fresh hamster.


1. Catch a hamster. Their natural habitat is in small structures often found in children's rooms, called cages. Once a cage has been located, check for other small rodents, such as rabbits, gerbils or capibarra. Although tasty, they contain less healthy proteins and may attack unprovoked.

2. Shave the hamster. In traditional hamster preparation, the hamster hair is removed with a small source of fire. This is only for the highly skilled however. A more modern approach is to shave it with a straight razor. Play some Schubert to the hamster to keep it from moving and cutting itself, releasing all its delicious juices. (Hamsters vigorously hate Schubert, and will feign death to try to get attackers to lose interest.)

3. Roll the hamster in egg and let it drip off. It should still be intimidated by the music. Finish it off with Der Hirt auf dem Felsen, which will actually kill most hamsters after a few minutes.

4. Bake the hamster in a preheated oven at 235 degrees C for 15 minutes. It should be nice and crispy.

5. Serve with salad or a selection of lightly cooked mice.


* Leave the hamster a little bit longer in the oven for a slightly darker and crispier version, called hamster noir.


* Some hamsters hate Schubert so much, that they will attack when exposed long enough. Always work fast to prevent nasty hamster attacks, which WILL leave (mostly emotional) scars.

Article added: 10 May 2008

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A little mouse makes
a nice garnish.

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