Editor's Note: Do please suspend disbelief for this one. Carrying that chunk of meat around with you will come in handy if you are attacked, but we are supposed to believe that meat won't in and of itself, attract one of these hungry, man-eating beasts, you know. LOL.

How to Survive a Chupacabra Attack

Chupacabras were once thought to be mythical creatures in Mexico, but they are in fact real. They are living breathing monstrosities that must be watched for. One false move and they could be all over you, ripping the flesh from your bones.

 Steps

1. Always carry a weapon. Chupacabras are known for their feasting on goats, but will attack any human on sight. Coming from the ninth layer of hell, Chupacabras have developed a strong hate for mankind and have made it one of their goals to eliminate the human race. Always be ready to fight one off at the sight of one.

2. Carry rotten meat around at all times. Chupacabras are meat eaters and if you are being hunted down and ready to be mauled by one, you can throw the meat down and hope they stop to feast on it. A baby will also provide good bait as it will make noise tempting the Chupacabra to check it out.

3. Carrying golden unicorn horns will help repel the Chupacabras away. Unicorns and Chupacabras fought for centuries around the year 1304 A.D. The leader of the Unicorns, Colonel Golden Horn was feared in the Chupacabra world and was the reason for the Unicorn Victory. After his death, His horn was removed and and kept in the Hall of Unicorns and is feared by all Chupacabras.

4. Throwing loose change to distract the Chupacabras is a great way to sneak by them. They have an extreme sense of hearing and curiosity so will check out anything they hear.

5. If you are in direct combat with a Chupacabra, you need to do whatever is possible to survive. Try gouging the eyes or breaking an arm. If you have listened to step one and are carrying a weapon, preferably a hand grenade or machete, your chances of survival will be dramatically improved. Only one man has ever survived an attack , but he is blinded from the incident due to the beasts acid spit.

6. Never EVER challenge a Chupacabra King. You will not survive.

7. Chupacabras are usually loners, but will sometimes travel in packs. If you ever spot a pack of Chupacabras… run. Do not get their attention. A small group of 2-3 chupacabras can cause as much damage as the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima. Nobody will survive.

 Tips

* Travel alone. Groups are to be avoided at all costs seeing as how you are more likely to create noise.

* Guns are the preferred weapon of choice. Melee combat with Chupacabras is basically suicide.

* Rotten goats meat is a delicacy to Chupacabras. Use it as bait.

 Warnings

* Doubt me if you will, Chupacabras are REAL. Don't blow this article off. When the Chupacabras come, ask yourself, will YOU be prepared?


Article added: 10 April 2009


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Chupacabras are a
little scary.


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