Editor's Note: If you can't get the monkeys to go away and leave you be, you might want to read this article, even if you are not exactly living on a monkey island. With so many monkees around these days you have to protect yourself. Sometimes a short and sweet monkey mail just won't stop the monkey games and you have to resort to something stronger.

How to Climb a Building While Being Shot at by Rabid Monkeys

Many people find themselves cornered. On one side a tall skyscraper, and on the other a pack of rabid monkeys wielding guns.


1. Judge the monkey threat first. There are situations in which you don't need to scale the building.

2. If there are only several monkeys with simple handguns, you might stand a chance against the monkeys. Monkeys are terrible shots.

3. If you cannot fight the monkeys, judge the building behind you and get ready.

4. If there are many monkeys wielding automatic weapons, such as AK-47s or similar weapons, pray. You're going up, bro.

5. Look for a window or a missing brick any place where you can put your hands.

6. Hold this protrusion tightly and pull your feet up until they find something to stand on.

7. Look for something to grab onto.

8. Push up with your feet and grab the object you just spotted.

9. Continue these steps until you reach the top.

10. Call in the navy. The seals are highly trained and have dealt with rabid gun slinging monkeys before.


* Having some chalk can be helpful. It improves your grip.

* Always carry several bananas with you to distract the monkeys.

* Monkeys are scared of cougars, If you keep a cougar in your backpack, the monkeys might not ever corner you. Monkeys have a strong sense of smell, and they can smell a cougar for miles away.


* Never shoot back!!! If you shoot a monkey you could be arrested for animal cruelty.

* Never call animal patrol, they will be slaughtered by the monkeys and you could get in trouble.

 Things You'll Need

* Bananas

* A cougar

* Climbing chalk

Article added: 15 February 2008

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Don't let the monkeys
drive you up the wall.

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