Editor's Note: Get some Kleenex and imagine this being narrated in the voice of Morgan Freeman.How to Put a Tutu on a Penguin
How can a penguin be a ballerina without a tutu? Impossible. However, if you have ever tried to put a tutu on a penguin, I'm sure you have never succeeded. Therefore, we have created this page just for you!
Steps
1. Buy a tutu of a very small size. Some alterations may be necessary to get that perfect fit that flatters your penguin's figure.
2. Buy a lasso. And a horse. And a cowboy hat.
3. Learn how to use a lasso. And ride a horse. And wear a cowboy hat. (See wikiHow articles on how to use a lasso, how to ride a horse, and how to wear a cowboy hat.)
4. Buy a plane ticket.
5. Buy a plane ticket for your horse.
6. Go to Antarctica.
7. Once in Antarctica, mount your horse. Don't forget the lasso.
8. Find a penguin. Make friends with said penguin. Forget about the lasso and buy plane tickets home for penguin, horse, and yourself.
9. Give penguin a friendship bracelet.
10. Casually place tutu on penguin when he/she is not paying attention.
11. Take a video and post it on YouTube.
12. Run away before your penguin can attack you, with his angry friends. Nothing worse than an army of happy feet…
Tips
* Sparkly cowboy hat = <3
Warnings
* Wear gloves. And possibly a ski mask. And shin guards. Penguins have claws, freakishly strong flippers, and attitudes.
* Make sure your penguin is well-fed so he doesn't get hungry and eat your face.
* Also make sure your penguin is okay with wearing a tutu. Nothing worse than an insecure penguin. Except maybe an army of happy feet…
Things You'll Need
* Lasso (not really)
* Horse
* Plane ticket
* Penguin
* Tutu
* Another plane ticket for the penguin. And for the horse. So make that three plane tickets.
* Actually make that five plane tickets. The horse, the penguin, and you all need rides home too… unless you wanna swim.
* Friendship bracelet
* Sparkly (optional) cowboy hat
* Pants (airport policy)
* Underwear (it's just sanitary)
Article added: 24 April 2009
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Some penguins can't
afford ballet classes.
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