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How to Properly Escape a Gun Banger

Split infinitives aside, this is something you just gotta know how to do in today's world.


1. If there is time before the rumble, carefully fold up your bright neutral pea coat and unzip your leather knee high boots. If you do happen to die it would be better to die with everyone knowing of your Rich Girl status. No one wants to die being an unpopular soap drawer. The conformists will definitely notice.

2. Raise your arms up slowly to show you mean no harm while subtly showing your wrist. Add a little rotating action in there. But go slowly, like you're turning a door handle. That will definitely "turn" them on. To not harming you.

3. Compliment the Banger but be subtle. Focus on his smile not his body. That will lead him to think you only have one thing on your mind. If you show your lust, you will disgust him.

4. Ask him about Darfur and then follow up with what type of floorboards he has in his hood. Or what type of balaclava he prefers to wear. But don't drag along the conversation. You're going to prefer it fast not slow.

5. If you are by a forest, find a foxy tree. I can't tell you how many times I was about to bang someone but stopped because of this. Its why I live by the ocean now. I just became too eco-friendly.

6. Walk away from the Sea of Bitterness. You never want to dip your life into those funky waters.


* Find a Californian girl. She'll be able to comfort you the best. She might even peel your mandarin if you're lucky.

Article added: 02 July 2010

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A disguise might help.

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