Editor's Note: With a school of sharks and just one grizzly bear, you are ready to play.

How to Play Battle of the Sports

The Battle of the Sports game is a game of extremes. It involves explosions, weapons, and the rest of that good stuff.


1. This game involves four main sports; baseball, basketball, football, and soccer. It starts out like a normal baseball game, a pitcher at the mound, and a batter at the plate, although the plates have no real significance in this game. The pitcher may use any of the four balls from the sports to pick from. Once the ball is pitched, the batter may hit it, and the same rules apply for the outs in baseball. If the batter gets a hit, they run out into the field trying to get it, along with the pitcher and the other ten players on both teams who are already on the field.

2. This is where soccer comes in. Men must dribble the ball with their feet, and or pass the ball to another team member. On the edge of the field on one side, there is a basketball net, which you may shoot from anywhere that isn't inside a box around it. Then on the other side, there is a bucket that is facing toward us, that you must throw into it like football from outside the certain box. The players switch sides from what they are scoring on to the other side at half time. Games are 2 hours long, half time is the first hour.

3. There is a special ball put into play every 20 minutes, called the BB. This stands for bomb ball. The bomb ball has a set timer which can either be set to 2 minutes, 5 minutes, or 10 minutes.

4. Every half hour, they ref places a grizzly bear in the center of the field. But, during the game, you are allowed to pick up upgrades that look like bottles of Pepsi. They include speed up, weapon, (which can change), and bear boxer. In bear boxer, you can take bear boxer from your hut, and send him on the field. He will only protect your team. The bear boxer and the bear will stay in play only 10 minutes.

5. If a team is getting schooled, they can put the game into sudden death. Which means, the bottom of the floor will change into small balance beams across the field. and under there are hungry great white sharks. They can do this but they have to kick two of their players out of the game.

6. In the last 5 minutes of the game at the sides of the arena, they let out 2 wolverines, fire missiles, light parts of the field on fire, and the crowds throw tennis balls in the arena. Bowser comes, and squirt guns are placed on the field. Players will be shot, survivors will be shot again, and they will nuke the stadium. They will leave 5 players from each team alive.

7. Any Poque-O-Clocks will be confiscated at the beginning of the game.


* Try not to be the last one with the bomb ball.

* Count in your head for how long the bomb ball has been in play, and right before it gets to 2 minutes, take the ball and pass it to an opponent. And if it doesn't explode after the two minute mark, keep counting till the 5 minute, and so on.

* Weapons fall from the sky at random times, they can be medieval flails, giant axes, swords, chairs, bikes, cell phones, flamethrowers, and phone books.

* Screaming at the end of the match will get you killed.

* In sudden death, don't fall down.

* If you are in the crowd in one of these games, you will want to leave before it gets to the last 5 minutes.


Certain rules must be followed:

* Men are allowed to die if it is not intentional.

* If any player on the field has a fight with the ref, they will be asked to leave.

* You must have at least 3 broken bones by the end of the game, and if not, you surely didn't try hard enough. Wimp.

* Only one bear boxer upgrade can be used at a time.

* Any player can only score 6 times.

* Have fun.

 Things You'll Need

* Lots of padding, everywhere.

Article added: 17 May 2010

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