Editor's Note: If you have the right equipment, you are all set to proceed with not following the instructions in this article, which the writer explicitly tells you not to follow. If you don't have a bat, you will have to wait until you get one!

How to Get Your Money Back

Sometimes, that punkass friend of yours down the street doesn't have money to pay you back. Sometimes, you just can't wait that long for that punkass friend of yours to pay you back. Sometimes, you just can't stand up for yourself because that punkass friend happens to be 100 pounds heavier than you. Sometimes, you need to get yourself a bat.


1. Get a punkass friend who isn't paying you back. An easy way to get someone like this is to overcharge them on every little thing. Then, when they can't pay you up front, just tell them to owe you it. Then every time you go over to his house, take all his cash. Thus, he will never be able to repay that debt.

2. Tell your friend you are going to hit him with a bat. This part requires that you guys have a chat, either face to face, over the phone or preferably, over Ventrilo so that another jerk can record your arguments and laugh at you.

3. Get a Bat.

4. Visit his residence with the Bat.

5. Explain to his mother why you are ringing their doorbell like a madman holding the Bat.

6. Never actually hit anyone with the Bat but get paid anyways because his mother thinks you are crazy (DISCLAIMER:REMEMBER NOT TO HIT ANYONE OR THREATEN THEM BECAUSE THAT IS ILLLLLLLLLLEGALLLLLLLLL!!! AND YOU WILL GET THE JAIL.

7) ???

8) PROFIT!!!

9) If you ignored the disclaimer in step 6 you will be getting the jail.


* Don't actually hit or threaten your friend with the Bat.

* This doesn't actually work.



* Do not hit anyone with the Bat.

* Do not speak about the Bat.

* Do not buy the Bat.

* Do not threaten anyone with the Bat.

* Do not get the Bat confused with this Bat.

* The Bat is not responsible for any of the actions you choose to perpetrate with it and neither am I, the author of this article

* ???

Article added: 27 December 2010

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Once you have it
back, you can
eat again.

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