Editor's Note: The author's main message seems to be "Let's just keep this abduction as pleasant as possible for all parties, okay?"
How to Foil an Alien Abduction
It is not a common situation to be abducted by aliens, but if you do find yourself in captivity of extra-terrestrial visitors, there are several steps to help make your abduction quick and painless. Most abductions cannot be remembered, or the abductee is unconscious, but on the off chance that you are awake or conscious, you must remain calm and remember the important steps you read about on wikiHow.
1. Assess the situation. Are you restrained, injured, or otherwise incapacitated? Your own personal condition will help you to determine the intentions of the aliens. The worse off you are, the more careful you have to be. Aliens are not senseless creatures, they have the technology to fly millions of light years, so they wouldn't waste their time by killing you. the most likely situation is that they have taken you for inspection, research, or experimentation. These procedures may lead to some injury, but getting out alive is the important thing.
2. Compliance. If aliens have you restrained in their ship, chances are, being an idiot and trying to rambo your way out won't work. Following directions and gestures made by the aliens will be your best bet for success. They don't want a struggling human specimen. They took you for a reason, and the more you fight, the more reason they have to dump you out of their ship. If you stay calm and collected, your survival rate shoots up drastically.
3.Communication. Beings that have harnessed interstellar travel most likely have the ability to understand human language, and if they have similar biological needs, then relaying messages like food or water, shouldn't be too difficult. If communication is limited or impossible, then your best bet is to just follow step two, and skip to step four.
4. Relax. if aliens wanted to kill all humanity, they would. Your abduction is most likely a research mission, to collect data and learn more about the human species. So chill out, it will most likely be nothing worse than a doctors visit. Some needles, probes, prodding, not much worse than a physical. This is a very important step, because the aliens will be able to detect your fear, and thereby instilling fear in them, which will just make the abduction unpleasant for everyone.
* Be observant
* Follow directions..
* Attempt relation.
* DO NOT attempt any form of verbal or physical violence toward your captors, they are far away from their home and don't want any trouble.
* DO NOT panic if you feel that your life is in jeopardy, it may not be as bad as it seems, keep an open mind, and relax.
Article added: 13 November 2009
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You will know your
abductors by the
suits they wear.