Editor's Note: What's a sledge? That would be British for Sleigh.

How to Be Like Santa Claus on Speed

Tired of the same old Christmas evenings with grandma's home knitted gifts? Why don't you spice it up by doing the Santa Claus on speed routine.


1. Buy a good Santa Claus costume. Preferably with the big belt, musty beard and the mighty boots.

2. Buy some speed. This could be the tricky part if you're not a regular junkie. Ask around if you don't know where to get it. But do it discretely as you don't want to tip anyone off that you are considering doing Santa on speed.

3. A few minutes before it's time to act out the Santa Claus scenario on Christmas Day, put on the Santa Claus suit. Admire yourself in the mirror. If possible take some pictures, but don't pose, nobody likes a Santa Claus poser.

4. Take the speed. This one is pretty much straightforward.

5. You are now Santa Claus on speed. A legendary Christmas awaits you.


* Speed is illegal so be careful buying it or you could spend the holidays in a cell.

* Make sure you read the rhymes yourself, it's hilarious.


*You might ruin Christmas!

* You might go to jail for possession of drugs or for driving under the influence of drugs. (That would be driving the sledge, yes)

 Things You'll Need

* Santa Claus suit

* Speed

* People who have been nice this year

Article added: 18 June 2010

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