Editor's Note: Commercial color names have become more and more creative lately, but is there really a hair color named for this amazing movie star?

How to Be Like Chuck Norris

Learn to throw some serious roundhouse kicks into the faces of those who deserve them. Achieve a level of cool that was once only reserved for Chuck Norris… and Mick Jagger.

 Steps

1. Learn how to Roundhouse kick: You might think this would be easy. You jump into the air like a puma, and spin and kick at the same time. You would be wrong.

2. Buy some Wranglers: Not just any pair of Wranglers from your local Wal-Mart superstore. No no, these are special Wranglers. Chuck Norris Wranglers with super flexible crotch support for all of your round-house kicking needs. Will not tear or bunch or ride. Very important when chasing people in Texas or kicking the crap out of thirty guys at once.

3. Grow a beard: Chuck Norris's beard is extremely manly and is his most deadly weapon. Make sure that you comb your beard daily.

4. Dye your beard Chuck Norris: They should have the color at your local salon or hair-stylist.

5. Change your name: No one will respect you if you have a name like Robert Fondrite or Bill Biggins. Those names don't sound like they could jump off of a roof and crack your face in with a patent leather cowboy boot. Change your name to something like Buck Morris. There can only be one Chuck Norris, but you my friend, you can be Buck Morris, Chuck's long-lost butt-kicking second cousin.

6. Don't tell your parents: They will not approve of their child harnessing the awesome power of the roundhouse kick in their household. They also probably won't appreciate the small armory in your closet or all of the hot southern girls that you will somehow manage to get. People are jealous of Chuck Norris, even parents.

7. Don't swear: Would Chuck Norris swear? No! He's wholesome and moral. Even when he is being shot at by twenty gun-toting rednecks in a warehouse filled with C4, dynamite, African orphan children and puppies. You can say 'heck' when in a very bad and seemingly impossible situation… but only Heck… and only once. Mama didn't raise no fool.

8. Watch the money roll in: Not only will you save the world on a bi-weekly basis, but people will want to give you things like exercise equipment or rotisseries or patent leather pants. Take these things, wear them, use them, eat them for they are free and when you are Chuck Norris, you get free things and people will give you money just for being the powerhouse of man that you are.

 Tips

* Chuck Norris wouldn't need tips.

 Warnings

* If you harness the above information for evil instead of world-saving goodness, you will undoubtedly unleash the wrath of Norris and he will personally come after you and stop your evil doings by either looking at you and melting your brain with his Chuck Norris eyes, or by kicking his cowboy boot encrusted foot-fist through your sternum.


Article added: 02 March 2009


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Having the right hat
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