Editor's Note: This article gives concrete ideas about how to stay safe from a threat we all might face in today's crazy world. Chances of success? Possibly not so high.

How to Avoid Stalkers

In a world… where weird people and freaks are running about… there is one guide… ONE GHETTO GUIDE… that will tell you how to survive, one of the greatest and most legendary freaks of all… a STALKER. This guide will not ensure success, and can cause death, failure or worse, harassment.

 Steps

1. If you notice a stalker, simply and calmly begin walking. If the stalker is still there, start jogging in a calm pace. However, if the stalker is there, start running like there is no tomorrow.

2. If all hope is lost, then stop. If they are  in a car, there is a possible chance of a "drive-by". Unless you want to die, calmly stop. After you have stopped. The stalker will probably talk to you. If the car DOES NOT have a stalker, then you just did everything for completely waste of time. Good job.

3. If indeed it is a stalker, say that you have a gun (say something big like an M14 or an AK47). If they don't believe you, then simply say "Sir (or madam, depending on the sex of the stalker), I have a brick in my backpack and I will chuck it at your groin." Do this CALMLY, or the stalker will sense your panic.

4. If they believe you, then head to the nearest Police Station. If they do not, simply do the easiest thing ever. Scream. Scream until someone hears you (unless you are in a ghetto). If you are in a ghetto, begin running. Again. there should be some place a car can't reach.

5. If they walk on foot, there is some advantage. Remember that almost everything in the world that is PHYSICAL is a weapon. Use this as an advantage. Give up if they have a gun cuz guns go boom. Right?

6. Hope that there is only 1 stalker, becuz if there is, kick him in his/her groin and run.

7. If there is more, then you're gonna probably die… or be stalked… or something bad. That's ghetto. avoid it.

8. If you are stalked and done everything so far (and they're STILL stalking you), begin to act ghetto or like a freak of nature. This will make them forget about stalking you at all (it ruins reputation and ghettoness, so use it as a LAST RESORT).

 Tips

* Carry a weapon

* Travel with buff guys

* Dress like a hobo or a gangster. If you dress like a gangster in the PRESENCE of a gangster, keep in mind that there is a chance you WILL get shot

* Be ghetto. Ghetto guys don't get mugged that much

* DO NOT ENCOURAGE THE STALKER!

* Make sure you know some form of self-defense (this includes slapping)

* Know several "hoodies"

  Warnings

* if you follow all these and it doesn't work, blame the NEAREST rock. Do not blame any other rocks cuz that won't really work


Article added: 04 July 2008


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Cultivating that goofy
look could keep you
safe on the streets.


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