Editor's Note: For a happy September, November and December, it's important to remember not to dismember.

How to Avoid Dismembering Your Workplace Team

Have you ever been at work and been overcome with an irresistible urge to disembowel and dismember your work team? This is a common occurrence, especially in today's society, with high stress levels. Read on to find out how to avoid doing this!


1. Remember that your coworkers are people too!

2. Sometimes it's easy to forget that your coworkers are people like you, especially when they're being lazy slobs. If you feel overcome with this urge, just try to remember, they may have families to go back to! If you dismember them now, imagine the lives it will affect.

3. Breathe! - Take deep breaths, and count to ten. This should help calm you down in a stressful work environment.

4. Keep yourself away from weapons - Try to stay away from easy weapons at all times when at work, to help avoid your temptation. Common office weapons can include pocket knives, staplers, scissors, letter openers, and table legs. Try to keep these objects out of your cubicle or work area, so you aren't tempted to use them! Table legs are an exception - just leave them attached to a table, and they're probably pretty safe there.

5. Leave the building - In a worst-case scenario, if you feel that you absolutely cannot refrain from dismembering your work team, leave the building. Your managers will understand when you explain it to them later, and they will thank you.


* Try controlling yourself in other activities as well! The less you dismember people, the less likely you are to dismember your coworkers and work team.

* Avoid bringing weapons to work! Chainsaws, swords, axes, and other heavy weapons are obviously discouraged, but also avoid pocket knives if you are prone to these attacks.


* If you often consider dismembering your work team, you may want to seek therapy - you may be mentally insane! But don't worry, it's probably curable.

* Axes, chainsaws, swords, staples, scissors, pocket knives, and letter openers are all sharp objects. Avoid cutting yourself with them, if you do use them.

Article added: 15 February 2010

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Main problem with
mayhem: the mess.

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