Editor's Note: There's a good chance this author has had a fear of goats ever since they were a kid...

How to Have Thanksgiving when the Host Has a House Goat

Dinner with a House Goat is an awkward time, this will help you through it.


1. First and foremost, if your host has the audacity to have a house goat then you are most likely not dealing with a stable person anyways. Make no mention of the obvious abnormality of the goat being in the house.

2. Second, choose your food wisely. You will not be eating the food, you will grab something after the horrendous night ends. Food served by someone who has a house goat will not be considered safe. You will however need an appropriate amount of food to mix up to look like you indulged your hunger which will have promptly disappeared upon realizing the goat is a indoor pet.

3. Don't make eye contact with the goat. The goat will most assuredly realize how messed up it is for him to be in the house. He is a goat after all and to him it is still cold outside. Don't blame the goat. The fact that he fell into this looney tune family is not his fault just his benefit.

4. Next try and forget about it, this is the hardest of all tasks as IT IS A STINKING GOAT IN THE HOUSE ON THE COUCH WHILE YOU ARE HAVING THANKSGIVING DINNER.

5. Try and lose yourself in whatever country, bluegrass, and/or hillbilly music is being played by multiple guitars. I find that meditation or prayer works well in this situation.Ponder things like how much worse can this get or what other animals are allowed in the dwelling, Horse, Donkey? This works on two fronts, 1) It makes your situation feel more tolerable as to what it could be. 2) When you find answers to your thoughts you are not stricken by surprise.

5. Finally, leave as fast as possible. Don't be rude, for all you know the house goat could also be an attack goat. However any environment that has a house goat can only be a breeding ground for disease.

Article added: 05 August 2011

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Know what you are
doing before you go
to dinner with a
horned animal.

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